Confessions of a New Mom

This week, Jackson had his first meeting with Santa and it went very well.  He was very well behaved and even posed for his picture without pulling on Santa's beard or throwing a tantrum--which I thought might happen seeing the other babies who went before him.

Later on the same day, Jackson had his first set of immunisations.  He received five in all (1 in liquid form and 4 injections) and I've never seen him so red, cry so hard, or have tears streaming down his face before.  Neither of us made it through without crying.  I know that he'll be better off for having the immunisations and I feel more secure taking him to playgroups and out in public knowing that he is immune to dangerous diseases, but obviously it's hard to explain these reasons for such a painful experience to a baby.  To my relief, it seemed as though Jackson forgot about his shots by the time we got home and he didn't have a fever or any signs of red dots around the injection sites that the nurse said may happen.  And I think he's forgiven me now.

Today, Jackson went to a "Tummy Time" session.  This was mainly an informative meeting for parents on why it is important for babies to spend time on their stomachs for at least 30 minutes a day and different ways this can be achieved other than obviously just laying the baby on his stomach on the floor.  Jackson was the second-youngest of the bunch and he held his head up with as much strength as the five-month-olds.  I was very proud.  Lee spends time with Jackson nearly every day when he gets home and the consistent effort has definitely paid off.  Elaine, the leader of the session, even commented and said that Jackson was doing very well and he's clearly doing his 'tummy time' at home.  Then she said that I was a "good mama."

This simple compliment and the fact that she noticed that Jackson has people working at home with him went a long way.  From the first night alone in the hospital watching Jackson sleeping in the little bedside crib, I have second-guessed myself more than any other time in my life many times a day.  My brain has conformed to Jackson-centred thoughts and there is very little room for anything else in there--even facts such as my age or dates of birthdays or anything that I once considered menial.  And even though I have Jackson's needs on my mind all of the time, I have many moments of wondering if I'm doing enough or moments of guilt because I don't know if I'm doing the 'right' thing.  At any given moment, these questions make me feel like I might not be doing the best job as a mom:  "Is this the best activity for his development?"  "I wonder what the research says about this toy?"  "Should I have his rain cover down on his stroller (pram) or is the air too cool for his little lungs?"  "Am I holding him too much?"  "Should I set-up more play dates with other babies his age?"  "Did I spend enough time today reading to Jackson?"  And the list goes on and on.  It's no wonder that my brain has gone to mush!

I realise that there are hundreds of ways to raise a baby and that not every day can be 'perfect.'  But, it is nice to hear that someone thinks I'm doing a good job.  I think that's the one thing I have learned since becoming a mom:  moms deserve a lot of respect and encouragement.  Moms don't get a full night's sleep (at least for the first ten weeks they don't--we'll see when that happens again), they might feel guilt for not getting enough housework done, they are questioning their parenting decisions since they really have no idea what they're doing at the beginning, they are trying to be a caring wife who still has time to prepare dinner every night, they are possibly still working or taking classes, they are quite possibly still healing from a delivery or C-section for the first two months, and they are trying to look presentable in case someone comes around to the house (which is purposely last on the list because this is the lowest of all priorities).  Then, of course, they're trying to raise a baby in the best way they can.

Before I had Jackson, I had NO idea how hard it would be to have the stamina to be a mom.  I thought I knew, but it's obvious to me now that I didn't.  When people said it would be hard--at least at the beginning--I thought that somehow, it wouldn't be hard for me.  Jackson is a true bundle of joy and he is a very easy-going baby, so most of the hardship comes from the internal questioning of whether or not I did 'enough' during the day or if I did a 'good job.'

So if you get the chance to see a mom today, tell her she's doing a good job and throw-in a few more compliments to boot because it will make a world of difference to her.

Ten-week update:  Jackson weighs 14 pounds 1 ounce and has started crying if his Daddy leaves the room.  He's talking a lot more now and has made new two-syllable noises, sometimes with consonant sounds, while he's playing.

Meeting Santa at the Kings Meadow Children's Centre in Ainsdale

Playing with his first 'friend,' Mia

Sitting in the 'big chair' watching Barney

If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.

Littlest Patient

This week brought many milestones for Jackson:  he turned two-months-old on December 4th, he began crying for certain things he wants such as to look at the mobile or to go in his play gym, and he got his first cold.

In England, the over-the-counter equivalent of Dimetapp or Tylenol is called Calpol and the infant version is strawberry flavoured.  I had heard of this medicine from working in a school, but since we are not allowed to administer anything other than a band-aid (plaster), I have never seen the packaging.  Also, whenever I heard someone say Calpol, it sounded like "Cowpull."  This didn't make any sense to me, but neither does "Dimetapp," so I figured it was named after the loveable farm animal to appeal to sick children needing relief from a sore throat or cough.  I pictured the box having a smiling cow grazing in a sunny green field.  The box is actually purple and pink with a picture of a baby on it.  Over-the-counter medicine brands here are not in abundance like the local superstores in Ohio, so it was easy to figure out that Cowpull was Calpol and we were on our way.

Yesterday was the worst for Jackson with a constant runny nose, mild coughing, and needing to be held for most of the day.  Today it's just coughing and hopefully it will be gone by tomorrow.  Because of his runny nose, we also learned that he has a severe fear of the nasal aspirator.  He will cry at the mere sight of the thing and it's hard to be sneaky with that lightbulb-sized tool.  Luckily, we haven't had to use it much today and by the next time he needs it, hopefully he will have forgotten what it is.

Jackson will go for his shots on Monday (after he spends the morning meeting Santa) so please pray for a quick and painless process!  Also, I forgot to mention last week that he was weighed on November 30th and he was 13 pounds 6 ounces at the start of his eighth week.

Developmental updates
This week and last, Jackson started to do the following:  makes 'eh' sounds to attract attention, makes short bursts of sounds and listens to himself, repeats sounds if encouraged sometimes, likes staring at pages in his books that have high contrast or bold faces (Tiny Tim and Scrooge in Disney's A Christmas Carol is a favourite), watches fast-moving images on TV if they catch his eye, and wants to sit up and likes to be propped in the corner of the couch.

If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.

 Two months old!

"Me Time"

When I read "Iron on reverse" on even the tiniest of baby clothes, I think, "You've got to be kidding me!"  It is laughable to think that any new mom would have time to iron a onesie.  And if she did have time, it's even more of a stretch of the imagination to believe that all of the work put into ironing the tiny sleeves and around the mini snaps would be appreciated by the baby who would probably spit-up (or worse) all over the garment within seconds of having it lovingly put on in the wee hours of the morning.

So although I am not ironing Jackson's clothes, I am devoting every minute of the day to all of his other needs.  (He is sleeping right now in his swing dreaming along to classical music, so obviously some of the minutes of the day, I have a break.)  This brings me to the title for this week:  "Me Time."

As a mom, the only 'me time' that I have is spent completing the basic essentials to be accepted into modern-day society--such as combing my hair and bathing.  One day, I had time to put my hair into a 'neat' ponytail and managed to put on a fresh tee-shirt and I felt like I could face the world once again.  Guilt sets in when I do anything that isn't for Jackson.  Two Fridays ago, I went to a group at a garden centre for moms to 'chat'.  This lasted two hours and all of the babies had to sit on their mothers' knees while the women all compared their babies' weights, lengths, and sleeping patterns.  The guilt hit hard as we were leaving and I realised that Jackson probably didn't get anything out of that experience and I was selfish for going.

After that day, I made sure that every minute is 'all about Jackson' and giving him as many new adventures with the world around him as he can take in without being too overwhelmed.  Usually our day consists of singing, dancing, reading, time in the Fisher Price play gym and jumperoo, looking at the mobile, talking back and forth, and then of course the diaper changes and clothing adjustments that occur throughout the day.  While Jackson is napping, I try to get at least one thing done that benefits the family as a whole such as laundry or cleaning.  Other than studying to take my driving test, I try not to do anything that would fit into the 'me time' category.

I am so proud to be Jackson's mom and I brag about him at every opportunity I get with anyone I meet.  I am also proud to give him the best of everything I have.  I am very content to put aside my needs to see Jackson learning and growing every day and being the happiest little baby boy anyone could hope for.

If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.