This week, Jackson had his first meeting with Santa and it went very well. He was very well behaved and even posed for his picture without pulling on Santa's beard or throwing a tantrum--which I thought might happen seeing the other babies who went before him.
Later on the same day, Jackson had his first set of immunisations. He received five in all (1 in liquid form and 4 injections) and I've never seen him so red, cry so hard, or have tears streaming down his face before. Neither of us made it through without crying. I know that he'll be better off for having the immunisations and I feel more secure taking him to playgroups and out in public knowing that he is immune to dangerous diseases, but obviously it's hard to explain these reasons for such a painful experience to a baby. To my relief, it seemed as though Jackson forgot about his shots by the time we got home and he didn't have a fever or any signs of red dots around the injection sites that the nurse said may happen. And I think he's forgiven me now.
Today, Jackson went to a "Tummy Time" session. This was mainly an informative meeting for parents on why it is important for babies to spend time on their stomachs for at least 30 minutes a day and different ways this can be achieved other than obviously just laying the baby on his stomach on the floor. Jackson was the second-youngest of the bunch and he held his head up with as much strength as the five-month-olds. I was very proud. Lee spends time with Jackson nearly every day when he gets home and the consistent effort has definitely paid off. Elaine, the leader of the session, even commented and said that Jackson was doing very well and he's clearly doing his 'tummy time' at home. Then she said that I was a "good mama."
This simple compliment and the fact that she noticed that Jackson has people working at home with him went a long way. From the first night alone in the hospital watching Jackson sleeping in the little bedside crib, I have second-guessed myself more than any other time in my life many times a day. My brain has conformed to Jackson-centred thoughts and there is very little room for anything else in there--even facts such as my age or dates of birthdays or anything that I once considered menial. And even though I have Jackson's needs on my mind all of the time, I have many moments of wondering if I'm doing enough or moments of guilt because I don't know if I'm doing the 'right' thing. At any given moment, these questions make me feel like I might not be doing the best job as a mom: "Is this the best activity for his development?" "I wonder what the research says about this toy?" "Should I have his rain cover down on his stroller (pram) or is the air too cool for his little lungs?" "Am I holding him too much?" "Should I set-up more play dates with other babies his age?" "Did I spend enough time today reading to Jackson?" And the list goes on and on. It's no wonder that my brain has gone to mush!
I realise that there are hundreds of ways to raise a baby and that not every day can be 'perfect.' But, it is nice to hear that someone thinks I'm doing a good job. I think that's the one thing I have learned since becoming a mom: moms deserve a lot of respect and encouragement. Moms don't get a full night's sleep (at least for the first ten weeks they don't--we'll see when that happens again), they might feel guilt for not getting enough housework done, they are questioning their parenting decisions since they really have no idea what they're doing at the beginning, they are trying to be a caring wife who still has time to prepare dinner every night, they are possibly still working or taking classes, they are quite possibly still healing from a delivery or C-section for the first two months, and they are trying to look presentable in case someone comes around to the house (which is purposely last on the list because this is the lowest of all priorities). Then, of course, they're trying to raise a baby in the best way they can.
Before I had Jackson, I had NO idea how hard it would be to have the stamina to be a mom. I thought I knew, but it's obvious to me now that I didn't. When people said it would be hard--at least at the beginning--I thought that somehow, it wouldn't be hard for me. Jackson is a true bundle of joy and he is a very easy-going baby, so most of the hardship comes from the internal questioning of whether or not I did 'enough' during the day or if I did a 'good job.'
So if you get the chance to see a mom today, tell her she's doing a good job and throw-in a few more compliments to boot because it will make a world of difference to her.
Ten-week update: Jackson weighs 14 pounds 1 ounce and has started crying if his Daddy leaves the room. He's talking a lot more now and has made new two-syllable noises, sometimes with consonant sounds, while he's playing.
Meeting Santa at the Kings Meadow Children's Centre in Ainsdale
Playing with his first 'friend,' Mia
Sitting in the 'big chair' watching Barney
If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.
