Are You My Mother?

When reading this book as a young tot, I'm sure all of us thought, "Really, bird?  You can't recognise that your mother is the other bird in the neighbourhood?  Obviously, it's not the cat or dog.  Come on, bird."  But for baby humans, to differentiate between their mothers, it must be just as difficult.  Jackson is almost a year old and I thought he could pick me out of a crowd just as easily as I could find him, but that wasn't the case this past week when he had a horrible case of mistaken identity that ended in inconsolable sobbing.

On Thursday, when I entered Jackson's room at nursery, I heard him crying and saw him being held by his key worker with his blanket.  She said, "There's your mum, Jackson," to which he reached for me and started to crawl towards me.  He started settling down and I listened as they explained that when Lilianna's mom came in to pick her up, Jackson thought that it was me because we both have thick-framed glasses and shoulder-length dark brown hair.  He crawled to her and when she didn't pick him up, and instead picked up her own daughter, he started screaming and crying.  Then, he reached for her legs and started pulling on her trousers for attention.  Lilianna's mom and I exchanged smiles and I said, "I guess I'll have to get a new look."

I was happy that I arrived shortly after this incident so that Jackson wasn't crying for too long.  Also, so that he would know that his mother actually does love him and wasn't ignoring him.  The torment that must have been running through his mind and the hurt in his heart was probably agonising for him.  Poor little guy!  I'm also glad that I arrived while Lilianna's mom was still there or else he would have thought that his mom not only chose another child over him, but left without him as well.  I'm sure that would be a little baby's worst nightmare!

Every day, it is so good to pick him up and be reunited after a long day of work, but on that day, it was especially good because we were both reminded how much we need each other.  We are bonded for life and he will always be my little baby no matter how big he gets.

Playing with his new toy today--a Fisher Price Ballapalooza!

He loves his new toy and feels like a big boy when he can move all of the pieces and parts on his own.

Developmental updates:  Jackson is back on track with his eating and tried chocolate mousse this week at nursery.  Apparently, he held his hands up in the air when they were serving the mousse out to all of the children because he was so excited.  He has made his best friend at nursery and his name is Arthur.  Whenever Jackson is upset, Arthur will pat his head and find Jackson's starred blanket for him and bring it to him so he calms down.  Something that he definitely didn't inherit from me is his love of playing in the puddles and dirt.  His key worker at nursery said that every time they go outside, Jackson has to be dressed head-to-toe in his 'waterproofs' because he goes straight for any water he sees and reaches through the fence to dig in the dirt.  Jackson is feeling a lot better now and his cough has almost completely disappeared.  He even started singing in the car along with the Shania Twain CD we listen to every day on our way to Preston.  (It was only £3 at Tesco for an album of her greatest hits!  I couldn't pass it up.)  The newest activity at home that he's taught himself to do is to climb under the coffee table and exit carefully so that he doesn't hit his head while crawling through.

If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.

Disaster Strikes

This was one of the worst weeks I can remember for a long time.  I have never been more exhausted, stressed, or at my wits' end!  Lee and I were in agreement that this week was pretty horrible.  On Sunday, Jackson and Lee woke up with a really bad cough, runny noses, and sore throats.  We attempted to cure the illnesses with over-the-counter remedies and rest, but those didn't work.  Monday, they both woke up and sounded just as bad as they did the day before.  Jackson's cough sounded loud and painful, so our solution was for Lee to stay home with Jackson and get him checked out at the GP (local doctor's office).  The doctor only prescribed ibuprofen three times a day for Jackson (but this has yet to take any effect).

Tuesday, while I was teaching, I lost my voice and developed a cough.  The symptoms seemed different from what the boys had and I assumed it would go away within a day after I took medicine all through the night to try and knock it out.

After a week of taking medicine as instructed, all three of us are still sick and weak.  It is so frustrating that we aren't getting better because with both Lee and I not able to function as we should, it doesn't seem like anything is getting done around the house and we're using up all of our energy just to make it through the working day.  Therefore, when we get home, we don't have much of anything left to make dinner, tend to Jackson, or complete our work (like marking books or planning lessons for me, and freelance graphic design jobs for Lee).  Two days this week, I pulled into the driveway, turned the car off, saw Jackson was asleep from the long car ride home, and I laid the seat back and rested.  Whatever I have, it's one of those colds that makes your muscles and neck ache.

And tonight, I think I have the onset of what I can only think is conjunctivitis in my left eye.  Great!

We are really hoping that we get better quickly because it's been a week of pure misery over here.  Poor little Jackson has barely been eating all week and  he coughs through his sleep.  I still can't speak which is vital for my job.  And Lee is just generally unwell and has tried every different type of medicine to curb his flu-like symptoms, yet nothing is working.

All in all, it's been a very difficult week.  Prayers--and possibly a nanny, a maid, and a nurse--would be greatly appreciated!

Jackson got to the newspaper before we did

We weren't too bothered about it though, so we let him read every page.  It was just one of those weeks.

Poor Little Jackson!  He was about to take a nap and rest with his little friend from Flamingo Land after taking his medicine.

Developmental updates:  Today, Jackson was sharing an envelope back and forth with me.  He offered it to me to take and then right away, reached for it back.  This continued for about five minutes and he seemed proud that he was sharing.  He started crying when I leave him at nursery.  For a couple of days, I set him down and he started playing without noticing that I left.  The last few days, I set him down and got him some toys to play with, but as soon as I started walking away, he cried and crawled toward me.  And the fact that his voice was hoarse already from his illness made him sound even sadder.  It was heartbreaking!  His key worker at nursery said his favourite things to do during the day are play outside and go on walks, mould the play-doh, and climb and crawl in the soft-play area (which is similar to Play Town in Southport).  We're using his interests to choose his birthday presents so tune in around October 4th to see what he gets for his first birthday!

If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.

New Beginnings

Last weekend was our big trip to Malton to go to Flamingo Land.  I would highly recommend anyone with little tots or children up to the age of about ten go as much as possible!  (I wanted to go back this weekend and if I lived nearer, I would invest in season passes.)  After reading some pretty bad reviews before leaving, my expectations were not very high, but I was still going to give the theme park a chance.  After we went for two days, I really didn't see any first-hand examples of what the reviewers were complaining about and I thought it was full of exciting shows, fun rides, a clean park, friendly staff, and more than enough attractions to fill a two-day trip.  The place at which we stayed was perfect, too!  Lee did a great job planning the surprise excursion and I was happy to see Jackson having a fun time before we all went back to work and he started nursery.  It was a perfect end-of-Summer trip.

The first four days of nursery were really difficult for Jackson, thus making me feel like a horrible person for leaving him every morning.  The first day, he had a temperature due to teething.  Then the next three mornings, he screamed and cried, refusing to eat any breakfast.  When we got in the car, he sat emotionless in his carseat and stared out of the window.  For the entire week, I didn't hear my little Love laugh and when we got home, he just wanted to be held until he went to bed.

When Jackson was born, The Jackson 5's ABC was playing on the radio.  We had already chosen the name "Jackson" so before you get any ideas, no, we did not name our child after The Jackson 5.  However, we did think that this was a weird coincidence.

On Monday, as we drove down on our street to leave Ainsdale, guess what song came on the radio?  Talk about a full circle.  I felt like this was a sign that everything was happening in its perfect timing and it gave me reassurance that Jackson's experience at nursery was going to be a very easy transition for us all.  When I left him on the first day, he was fine and I was fine so there weren't any tears that everyone warned me about.

Those didn't come until the third day when I felt like my little baby had completely changed and he wouldn't even look at me anymore.  I spoke to the nursery key worker--who never seemed too excited to see Jackson or me for some reason--and ensured that Jackson was in good hands, in a positive environment, and that she liked Jackson.  Her attitude turned around after this meeting and even if she's faking her positivity, I'll take it.  The other women seem to like Jackson, but those ones aren't his 'key worker' who works closely with him all day.

Thankfully, on Friday, Jackson woke up with a smile--like he used to do--and he ate his breakfast, got changed out of his diaper and dressed without any crying at all.  He even talked to me on the way to nursery and was excited to play with the toys there like he was on the first day.  I felt much better after this day and his key worker even said that he had a 'really good day' and seemed more settled.

Today we went to see a production of Alice in Wonderland at his nursery and he watched the entire play from beginning to end without a peep.  Maybe he's studying the craft for when he becomes the next James Bond?

I hope that Jackson is happy at nursery and that one day he forgives me for all of the torment I've put him through.  Feelings of betrayal or manipulation must be instinct-based because the techniques that this little 11-month-old has tried on me are a drastic contrast to the Jackson that I knew before.  And who knows if his happiness that he showed on Friday is just a coping mechanism to get through his new surroundings?  He doesn't know that he's going to be in a school setting for the next 17 years or so.  Jeeze!  The mom-guilt is terrible.  All I can do is smile and say, "Look at all of the fun toys!  Wow!  Have a good day, Jackson!" and quickly walk out of the door while he's distracted.  It still feels very unnatural to leave my baby for the majority of the day with people I still barely know.  I hope it gets easier as the weeks go on.

Watching the pirate show at Flamingo Land.  After we were in the park for about 15 minutes, the weather changed for the worse and it rained for the rest of the day.  That didn't get us down, though!  We did all of the indoor activities and visited the zoo after buying ponchos.  (He looks bored, but this is his concentrating face that he has every time he watches a theatre production.)

The penguins were loving the rain

FLAMINGO Land

This sea lion could balance a bowling pin on its nose and walk around at the same time!

Zebras and giraffes living in harmony

Happy 11 months, Jackson!  The second day was perfectly warm and sunny for us.

All of the giraffes (my favourite) gathered around the feeding trough

Jackson wasn't speaking to us after the sea lion show.  We sat in the section where we didn't just get splashed, we got drenched.  I blocked the splash from Jackson and was soaking wet for about an hour--my hair was dripping wet!  Clive, the sea lion, jumped in the water and weighing about 620 pounds, he left quite the impression on us.  Jackson cried and we were embarrassed because we felt like horrible parents for sitting in the line of fire.

I tried to sit in the front with Jackson, but the ride operator said that adults had to sit in the back.  He's only a baby!  Anyway, Jackson drove us safely around the ride and I was thankful that it was on cruise control and he didn't have to operate any pedals or gears.

On our way home from Flamingo Land (picture taken by real pirates)

Developmental updates:  Jackson understands the concept of the 'high-five' and he likes to practise this skill.  At the beginning stages of learning how to high-five, sometimes he would grab my hand and cover his face with my palm.  But, now he knows what to do.  Jackson seemed to really grow-up this week and he is talking a lot (bar the days where he was sad from the transition to nursery) with a conversational tone that has different inflections in his voice as he explains his day at nursery to us.  When he is doing something new, he has always been observant, but this week we noticed how intent he is on looking at everything and everyone around him, then focusing in on the main event with wide eyes and sometimes with one eyebrow raised.  He is very quiet while making his observations and then when we leave the situation or get in the car to go home, he will start talking away as if he is summarising everything he saw.

If you see Sammie Miles Davis, Jr. and Bella, give them my love.